Amber Waves of Grain

We just got to Seattle after spending 2 days in Spokane. There was all kinds of horrendous forshadowing concerning Spokane. Everyone told us it was conservative to the core, and we were gonna hate it. Regardless, we were hell bent on going there cause we’ve read all this great stuff about the Tolstoy community that had us really interested. Besides, Sherman Alexie is from Spokane. He wrote “The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven” And that’s a damn good book.
Anyway, we employed the ol’ tried and true strategy that we use in EVERY new town we enter: Pick out a café that looks like it’s got wireless, and saunter on in. Maybe eat a little granola first, so you aren’t tempted to buy a pastery.
*side note: This trip has been sponsored by Waves of Grain granola. We have about sixty seven hundred pounds of it - donated by Benja’s sister, LeAnn, and her partner, Marcus. They make kick ass granola in Durango CO, and… let me tell ya, it just never gets old. Any time one of us is getting a little cranky in the van… just pass down the granola. Chances are the blood sugar was just a little low, and if not - at least it keeps the grumpy mouth full so nothing else rude can escape.
Ok… where was I…
The girl behind the counter (Rachel) recommended that I try this Raspberry Mate combo, and while she was brewing it - informed me of the fact that Ani Difranco is pregnant. I had no idea.
All sorts of interesting discussion transpired after that and - before ya know it - she’d invited us all to spend the night at her house.
We spent the rest of Thursday exploring Spokane, and arrived at Rachel’s house just in time to witness as her partner finished (drum roll please) the LAST sentence of the LAST essay of his COLLEGE CAREER!
Of course we were forced to celebrate this monumental event with them. It would have been rude not to. Right?



The next day, Tolstoy was on the agenda. Because they had never returned ANY of the 10 phone calls we have left them over the last month and a half, we decided to drop in unexpectedly. We drove around Spokane farm land for about 2 ½ hours - trying to follow our internet directions and failing miserably. Needless to say, there was plenty of grumbling - muffled by granola of course.

FINALLY we had had our fill of picturesque farm machinery and amber waves of grain.

We had exhausted all our creativity - singing out of tune and butchering the lyrics to “America the Beautiful.” We were actually TIRED OF GRANOLA. At this point we all realized that we HATE TOLSTOY FARMS, and we want NOTHING to do with them. Stupid ol’ phone-call non-returners.
We didn’t want this to be a completely fruitless venture, so we stopped and picked apples off the side of the road. Then we went swimming in a lake, came back to our new friend’s house, and made stir-fry and apple pie. It was REALLY GOOD apple pie.
When we left on Saturday we decided that we actually LIKE Spokane and, depending on how things go further west, Benja and I may attempt to check out Tolstoy again on our way back. But - before we do - I am going to leave them an answering machine message to remember. An answering machine message that will COMMAND ATTENTION. An answering machine message that will leave them frightened….
yet intrigued…
And hopefully feeling a little sorry about being such a bunch of NON-PHONE CALL RETURNING SUSTAINABLE SCHMUCK FARMERS!!!